I’m pretty good at cutting things down and blowing them away. It’s satisfying to tidy up the yard and trim back the edges. In the fall I spend days blowing leaves out to the woods way at the edge of our property.
I’d like to get good at growing things, like flowers and vegetables. I remember expressing this to my mother when my children were younger and I was busy teaching. She reassured me by telling me that it was okay, I was good at growing children. And I think I loved her all the more for expressing this idea to me.
I’m reading a book right now, The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch. Like several books I’ve read recently, it’s kicking me in the head, making me think. He asks interesting questions and shares thoughtful insights. Two questions he asks are: “Which role that I’ve played in my life sets me apart?” and “What do I, alone, truly have to offer?” Right now these questions resonate with me, but I don’t have magnificent, earth shattering responses.
The first question makes me think about how I am a: daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend, teacher, cookie-baker, meal-maker, sometimes-a-runner, summer bike-rider, hiker, dreamer, snow-shoveler, want-to-be-writer, thinker, mower-of-grass, leaf-blower and so many other roles. I enjoy each of these roles, (s0me more than others!) but none of these roles really set me apart. I’m okay with that. At the beginning of her book, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Krouse Rosenthal writes:
“I was not abused, abandoned, or locked up as a child. My parents were not alcoholics, nor were they ever divorced or dead. We did not live in poverty, or in misery, or in an exotic country. I am not a misunderstood genius, a former child celebrity, or the child of a celebrity. I am not a drug addict, sex addict, food addict, or recovered anything. If I indeed I had a past life, I have no recollection or who I was.”
I totally relate to what she is saying. My life is consistently ordinary and that’s okay with me.
The second question gives me pause (Not paws, although that would be funny.) What do I alone have to offer? I think that for my little family and for me the answer is: me — hardly earth shattering. What I alone can offer is my presence and love and caring and thoughts about them all — all the time!
So for now, I’ll keep tidying up, mowing things down and blowing them away. As for getting good at growing flowers and vegetables, I’m not going to sweat it. I’m good at growing children, it’s what I have to offer and in my little family this has set me apart.